


Not Afraid To Love You

by wookbutt09



Series: Haikyuu!! Party [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drinking, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hanamaki and Matsukawa are not the ones being abusive to each other, M/M, Party, Partying, Underage Drinking, the drinking and the party are completely irrelevant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-06
Updated: 2015-06-06
Packaged: 2018-04-03 03:06:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4084252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wookbutt09/pseuds/wookbutt09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hanamaki has had feelings for Matsukawa for a long time, and even though they often hook up, Matsukawa chooses to be in an abusive relationship with someone else. Hanamaki can't stand to see his best friend get hurt any longer.</p><p>Part of a 3-part series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Afraid To Love You

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second of three different love stories that take place at this party, though the order will be irrelevant. My first HanaMatsu, I hope you like it!
> 
> This was inspired by the song "Feelings" by Maroon 5.

He watched as the girl across the room rolled her eyes at the boy next to her, before she stormed off in another direction. The boy stared after her for a few seconds, a blank, uninterested expression on his face, before turning around and walking in the opposite direction from her.

That’s when he decided to walk over to the boy.

“What are you doing, Issei…” he said to him, watching with frustration as the boy simply huffed at him in response.

“I dunno. I don’t even care at this point.”

“Then break up with her! How many times are we going to have this conversation?”

“We don’t ever have to have this conversation. You’re the one constantly bringing it up, Takahiro, not me.”

“Because I’m sick of seeing her treating you like absolute shit. Because I care about you, unlike her. Why don’t _you_ care?” Hanamaki asked, glaring at his friend, though his anger wasn’t for him, but for _her_.

“I dunno,” Matsukawa responded once again, shrugging his shoulders, yet refusing to look Hanamaki in the eyes. This is what pissed Hanamaki off the most. He really couldn’t tell if Matsukawa thought so low of himself that he didn’t mind the abuse, or if he honestly just couldn’t care less about being with a horrible person. Either way, Hanamaki couldn’t stand it, because whether or not Matsukawa knew that he deserved better, Hanamaki knew that he deserved better.

In fact, if you’d asked Hanamaki, he’d tell you that Matsukawa deserved to be with _him_. Not that Hanamaki was conceited, but he liked Matsukawa, as much more than friends. They’d been best bros for years, and also hooking up for longer than Matsukawa had been dating that awful girl. He had never told Matsukawa how he felt, and he wasn’t sure if Matsukawa returned his feelings or not, it wasn’t something that they ever discussed, but he knew he was better for his teammate than she was, and if given the chance, Hanamaki would never mistreat him, he’d show him what a real relationship should be like, and how it feels to be loved and appreciated.

“I just don’t understand, Issei… why do you do this to yourself?” Hanamaki asked, his tone more desperate now than angry.

“I already told you. I don’t know. Please just drop it.” With that, he walked away, leaving a confused, sad Hanamaki behind.

Sighing, and opting to leave the issue alone for now, as he always opted to do when he knew he was going to get nowhere with Matsukawa, he walked into the kitchen to grab a beer from one of the coolers. As he looked around for the bottle opener, he heard a voice call him from behind.

“Oh, hey Iwaizumi,” he answered, taking the bottle opener that Iwaizumi had offered him.

“How’s it going?” his vice-captain asked.

“Okay,” he replied dryly, taking a long sip from his beer.

“Doesn’t sound okay to me,” Iwaizumi mumbled, eyebrow raised as he took a sip from his own beer.

“Yeah. Well.”

“Don’t wanna talk about it?”

“Not really. Sorry,” he apologized, sincerely, even if it didn’t come off that way. It’s not that he wanted to be rude, but it wasn’t really his place to tell others about Matsukawa’s business.

“Nah, it’s okay. I get it,” he said with a laugh, clapping Hanamaki on the shoulder. Hanamaki smiled at him, but their comfortable atmosphere was quickly destroyed when they heard a shrill voice from across the room.

“I asked you over 10 minutes ago to get me a drink, Issei, what the hell is wrong with you?” Hanamaki watched Matsukawa roll his eyes at her, the same bored expression on his face that he always had whenever he was with her.

“And on that note, I’m out,” Iwaizumi told Hanamaki, clapping him on the shoulder once more as he quickly made a beeline for the living room. Everyone on the team knew that Matsukawa was seeing a terrible girl, and frankly, not one single member approved of it, but on the other hand, they knew it really wasn’t up to them to decide. Besides, they figured that if Hanamaki couldn’t get Matsukawa to see the light, then no one could.

“Sorry,” he heard Matsukawa apologize to her, and Hanamaki gripped his bottle so tightly it was a wonder it didn’t shatter in his hand. He had heard Matsukawa apologize to that monster a thousand times before, and it crushed Hanamaki every time. Matsukawa should never have to apologize to anyone.

“You’re always sorry. Are you good for anything else besides apologies?” she practically spat at him. What a snobby –

“I dunno. Sorry,” Matsukawa replied again, though he didn’t look sorry to Hanamaki, just resigned.

“Whatever, Issei. I don’t know why I even bother with you sometimes. If you don’t start acting like a better boyfriend, then you can get used to not having a girlfriend.”

“Okay.”

She smacked him roughly on the arm, to which he made no response, and she angrily stormed away, as per usual. Hanamaki watched Matsukawa sigh, and he took that as his moment to step in.

“Are you just gonna take that!?” he asked, voice louder than he meant it to be but he couldn’t control it, he was too angry.

“I guess so. I really don’t care, it’s not like it hurt,” Matsukawa replied, shrugging his shoulders. Always shrugging his shoulders. Did he really not care?

“That’s physical abuse, you know. It’s not just emotional abuse anymore, it’s physical now? How long has that been happening?”

“It’s not a big deal, Takahiro, she’s a small girl. A few smacks on the arm doesn’t mean anything. She’s just annoying, ignore her.”

“It doesn’t matter if it hurts or not! That’s not the point!” Hanamaki yelled, slamming his fist on the island counter in the middle of the kitchen. A few people gave them strange looks before walking away. Matsukawa looked surprised, and Hanamaki was glad to be finally getting a reaction out of him, even if he’d had to do it by getting angry. If that’s what it took to get Matsukawa to listen, then he’d yell all day long. He’d yell until he could make him see what an amazing person he was, a beautiful person who didn’t deserve anything but the world.

“Calm down, Takahiro, it’s not – ”

“It’s not what!? Not a big deal!? When will it be a big deal, Issei!? Hmm? When she starts punching you instead? When she starts leaving marks? Or how about when she beats you down so badly with her vicious words that you start to believe them? When you start to hate yourself? When you, you – ” Hanamaki couldn’t finish his rant when tears started flowing from his eyes and he could feel the oncoming sobs. Matsukawa reached out to him, and the second he made contact, Hanamaki’s hands flew up to cover his face. He was embarrassed that he was crying at a party full of people that he knew, but more than that he was feeling so lost. He didn’t know what to do anymore. It was clear that Matsukawa didn’t care enough about himself to ever leave her, and that broke his heart. It hurt badly. He cared so much about Matsukawa, and it just wasn’t fair that he couldn’t fix this.

“Takahiro…” Matsukawa started, but Hanamaki wasn’t ready to give up. He took a deep breath to control himself, and grabbed Matsukawa by the shirt, pulling him into the less-crowded hallway near the front door. The surprised look that Matsukawa gave him when he trapped Matsukawa against the wall bothered him a bit, but he needed to get through to him. He needed to…

“Issei, when you wake up in the morning, and you look in the mirror, what do you see?”

“I… don’t know? What are you – ”

“When you lay down to sleep every night, what are your last thoughts?”

“Takahiro – ”

“When I wake up in the morning, and I look at myself in the mirror, I see a pretty okay guy. I’m decent looking, I’ve got a cute smile, I’m smart, I’m good at volleyball, I have lots of friends, and I have a really great best friend that I care about very much, and who cares about me, too.

“And when I go to bed at night, I’m happy. I’m proud of everything I did during the day, I feel blessed that I got to do so many things and see so many people. And I think about you. I think about how lucky I am to have you in my life. Because I like you, Issei. I’ve always liked you. I like myself, and I like you. And you don’t have to like me, but if I ever heard you say that you don’t like yourself, I would be miserable, because you’re the greatest person I know, and you need to believe that.”

“I never said I didn’t like myself,” Matsukawa mumbled, though again, he couldn’t meet Hanamaki’s eyes.

“If you liked yourself, you wouldn’t let someone else treat you like she treats you. Good people don’t deserve to be treated badly, and yet you let her treat you badly.” When Matsukawa didn’t respond to that, Hanamaki could feel his eyes burning again. The arms he had placed on either side of Matsukawa began to shake, and he dropped his head as he whispered, “Why, Issei? Why don’t you love yourself? Why can’t you see what I see?”

“I don’t know…” Matsukawa responded, and Hanamaki’s head snapped up when he heard that broken voice. Matsukawa was looking right at him this time, his eyes glassy.

“Issei…” Hanamaki cried, pulling his hands off the wall to grab Matsukawa tightly, holding onto him with the intent of never letting go.

“I’m sorry,” Matsukawa whispered, hugging him back.

“Don’t be sorry. Don’t ever be sorry.”

“I’m sorry…” Hanamaki just held him tighter.

“Please, don’t see her anymore. Don’t let her near you. You don’t have to choose me, but don’t choose her.”

“What makes you think I wouldn’t choose you?”

“What?” Hanamaki asked, shocked enough to pull back from the hug he had intended on never stopping.

“I always choose you… I don’t think normal best friends make out and stuff as often as we do, y’know?” Matsukawa said with a small smile.

“Yeah, but… you never said anything… so…”

“It’s funny,” Matsukawa said, in a tone that wasn’t really funny, “You talk a lot about liking yourself, yet you say you liked me all this time, but you never said anything, either. You were willing to let me be intimate with you and still date other people. How is that fair to you? That doesn’t sound like someone who thinks very much of themselves…”

Hanamaki was shocked, once again. He had never thought of it that way before.

“I just… didn’t want to stop being close to you, I guess,” Hanamaki said quietly, looking away.

“You don’t have to,” Matsukawa said, grabbing Hanamaki’s cheeks and forcing him to look back up. “Promise me you’ll be more honest, with yourself and with me, and I promise you that I will break up with her and never see her again.”

“Okay…” Hanamaki agreed. “Promise me that you’ll let me be with you, and convince you how incredible you are, and I promise that I’ll never hide anything from you ever again.”

“Okay.”

Hanamaki smiled, a smile that not many others got to see too often, and leaned up, replacing Matsukawa’s hands on his face with his own hands on Matsukawa’s face, pulling him down to join their lips for a kiss. Matsukawa immediately responded to it, wrapping his arms around Hanamaki’s waist and bringing him close. Hanamaki smiled again, to which Matsukawa smiled into the kiss, as well. Hanamaki was sure that this was the happiest moment of his life.

“Wow, finally, huh, Iwa-chan?” Hanamaki heard that annoyingly familiar voice beside them, and he grudgingly pulled away from Matsukawa to glare in the direction of their captain.

“Oikawa…”

“Hey, hey, don’t be mad, Makki. Matsun, tell him not to be mad, I’m cheering for you guys!” But Matsukawa just glared at him in response.

“Let’s go, Shittykawa, this isn’t any of our business,” Iwaizumi said, grabbing Oikawa’s arm and dragging him into the living room.

“So mean, Iwa-chan!” could be heard in the distance.

Matsukawa laughed, and Hanamaki looked over to him. He grabbed Matsukawa in another tight hug, and sighed contentedly when Matsukawa hugged back and rested his chin on top of his head. Matsukawa was safe now, and he would be happy, Hanamaki would make sure of that. And if Matsukawa was safe and happy, then he would always be happy, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
